A God Who Poops: Crappy Bible Stories, Part 4

In this week's Crappy Bible Story, we explore the dramatic showdown that unfolds on Mount Carmel in 1 Kings 18. It's a clash of the titans, a battle between the God of Israel and the prophets of Baal. So, buckle up as we embark on this scatological journey through ancient biblical confrontations.

Now, before we delve into the details of this epic tale, let's acknowledge that these stories were originally interpreted by the ancient audience as grudge matches between gods. The Bible is full of accounts of confrontations between the God of Israel and the gods of neighboring nations. While the conflicts may not always be explicitly portrayed as divine showdowns, the original listeners would have undoubtedly perceived them in that light.

The story of the Crossing of the Red Sea in Exodus 14 and the Israelites Taking the Ark into Battle in 1 Samuel 4 align with this interpretation. However, one of the most riveting and dramatic confrontations occurs in 1 Kings 18, where the prophet Elijah orchestrates a showdown with the Prophets of Baal atop Mount Carmel.

This story is best told in the full context of Elijah's plot arc, but we don't have time to tell the whole story in one go, and I'm going to want to make many digressions for this story alone, so I won't even try to explain the whole thing. You can read it for yourselves in 1 Kings 16:29–19:21.

During this period in Israelite history, the people were not solely devoted to the worship of the Lord. That's not to say they abandoned their worship of the Lord entirely. Instead, they began intertwining the worship of the Lord with the gods of neighboring tribes and nations. Baal, the Canaanite god of fertility, and Asherah, the Canaanite goddess of fertility, were particularly popular deities in this society, alongside the Lord.

'Baal' was a Canaanite word that meant 'Lord,' just like the Israelites referred to their God as 'Adonai'—the Hebrew word for 'Lord.' However, both these gods possessed personal names that were generally not used out of reverence for their respective divine entities. In the case of the Lord, his 'real name' was Yahweh, while Baal's 'real name' was actually Hadad. Remember that nugget of knowledge; it'll pay off in a moment!

Elijah, chosen by God to steer the Israelites back to their exclusive covenant relationship, seeks to expose the powerlessness of Baal and demonstrate the unmatched might of Yahweh. Having gained a reputation for fearlessly speaking truth to power and serving as the nation's conscience, he devises a plan to reclaim the people's allegiance.

BTW, 'Elijah' literally means 'Yahweh is my God'. This in contrast to others who might claim that 'My God is Baal' or 'My God is Odin' or 'My God is Zeus'.

With a flair for the theatrical, Elijah summons the prophets of Baal and the people to witness a spectacle atop Mount Carmel. Two altars are built—one for Baal and the other for Yahweh. Two bulls are prepared for sacrifice—one for Baal and one for Yahweh. The challenge was straightforward: each party would call upon their respective deities to ignite their sacrificial offerings. The first to answer with spontaneous fire would be recognized as the one true God.

Elijah, confident in Yahweh's power, allows the prophets of Baal to make their attempts first. But when his turn comes, he goes the extra mile to emphasize his faith in God. He soaks his own sacrifice and altar with water, not just once or twice, but thrice, leaving no room for accusations of cheating. For his offering to be consumed by fire, it would require divine intervention from outside the realm of human manipulation.

Elijah's actions are nothing if not dramatic! From his grandstanding in front of the audience to the pyrotechnic displays, everything he does in this part of the story is for maximum effect. The story reads a bit like a 'Battle of the Bands'. In fact, since both Yahweh and Hadad were both known to their followers as 'Lord', either with the title 'Adonai' or 'Baal', this contest could just as easily be called the 'Battle of the Baals'!

The prophets of Baal go through the motions of their sacrificial rituals, desperately calling out to their god. They dance, they writhe, and when their pleas fall on deaf ears, they resort to cutting themselves with swords and lances, hoping that the sight of their own blood would capture Baal's attention. Yet, their efforts prove futile. 'But there was no voice, no answer, and no response.' Meanwhile, Elijah can't resist trash talking his opponents, reveling in their fruitless endeavors.

“Cry aloud! Surely he is a god; either he is meditating, or he has wandered away, or he is on a journey, or perhaps he is asleep and must be awakened.”

With biting sarcasm, he prods them to cry louder, suggesting that perhaps Baal was preoccupied. "Maybe he's on a journey, or perhaps he's asleep and must be awakened," Elijah taunts. My personal favorite is his remark that Baal may have simply "wandered away."

The phrase "wandered away" has perplexed scholars, appearing exclusively in this passage of the Hebrew Bible. Some translations interpret it as Baal being temporarily absent, offering a whimsical out-of-office message to his prophets. Others suggest that Baal is engaged in another conversation or occupied with different matters. And then there are those who say it's a polite euphemism for relieving oneself, akin to Saul "covering his feet" in 1 Samuel 18. I like to imagine it as a genteel way of saying, "Baal is indisposed," implying that he's too busy for you, and you have no business asking why not. (Perhaps he is on the toilet, but we're too polite to say that!)

Ultimately, Baal remains silent, while Yahweh responds in a spectacular display of power. Fire descends from the heavens, consuming not only the wood and sacrifice but also the stones of the altar and the water that had gathered around it. The victory is unquestionably attributed to Yahweh's divine intervention.

However, let's take a moment to reflect on the trash-talking element of this story. Elijah's sarcastic taunting would certainly be deemed culturally insensitive in today's world. Modern sensibilities caution against making fun of deeply held religious beliefs. Individuals who mock another culture's faith risk condemnation, even facing threats and violence in extreme cases. Elijah's approach certainly wouldn't fly in today's society!

I'm not here to claim that Elijah was a glowing model for interfaith relations or harmonious dialogue. Elijah, like all of us, was a flawed individual grappling with his own ego and struggled to trust in God. Yet, what makes this story intriguing is the image of the divine that he ridicules—a familiar image even to contemporary audiences.

Elijah presents an anthropomorphised deity, looking and acting like a human being. This caricature depicts a god who needs to be shouted at, as if hard of hearing. It portrays a god who neglects to answer prayers because he may have absentmindedly wandered away or dozed off. It paints a picture of a deity with a long beard and a bathrobe or one shuffling through clouds akin to Grandpa Simpson. It aligns with the kind of god atheists mockingly refer to as the "Invisible Sky Daddy."

Septics raise a valid point when they challenge the belief in such a ludicrous representation of the divine. I can't deny that their arguments hold weight. But here's the thing: I don't believe in the kind of god they reject. I can't believe in a 'God who poops' either! I don't believe in a God limited to human foibles and vulnerabilities.

The story of Elijah's showdown with the prophets of Baal serves as a reminder of the danger of reducing the divine to a mere reflection of our own shortcomings. It invites us to ponder the glory and transcendence of a God who surpasses our finite understanding. We are called to embrace a faith that transcends our human limitations and opens our minds to the mysterious and awe-inspiring nature of the divine.

While Elijah's actions and trash-talking may raise eyebrows today, this story provides us with an opportunity to reflect on our perception of the divine. Rather than creating a finite, limited God in our own image, we should approach the vastness of God's being with humility and awe, seeking a deeper understanding of the mystery that lies beyond our comprehension.