Crappy Bible Stories, Part 3: Pooping in a Cave

Sometimes there's nothing worse than needing to use the facilities. In 1 Samuel 24, Saul has been hunting for David in the mountains, when Saul slips quietly into a cave to use the bathroom. That’s what the Bible says! (Literally, the Hebrew says that he went ‘to cover his feet,’ which was a popular euphemism, much like we might say he went ‘to powder his nose,’ despite the fact that what he’s doing involves neither the nose or the feet.) What he doesn’t know is that David and his men are hidden in the very cave that he’s chosen to use as an outhouse!

He came to the sheepfolds beside the road, where there was a cave, and Saul went in to relieve himself. Now David and his men were sitting in the innermost parts of the cave. The men of David said to him, “Here is the day of which the Lord said to you, ‘I will give your enemy into your hand, and you shall do to him as it seems good to you.’ ”

'Feet' in the Hebrew Bible is a peculiar word. The word is often used as a euphemism for the genitals! In Isaiah 6.2, the prophet has a vision of heavenly beings with three pairs of wings. With one pair they fly, with another they cover their face (in humility) and with another they cover their 'feet' (perhaps out of modesty).

In Ruth 3.7–8, Ruth 'came stealthily and uncovered his feet and lay down. 8 At midnight the man was startled and turned over, and there, lying at his feet, was a woman!' But this is meant to be a post about poop, and I'm digressing again...

Saul is about as vulnerable as he can be. He’s on his own, in a dark cave, and he doesn’t even know that he’s completely at David’s mercy. David has a whole gang with him. It would be the easiest thing to just reach out and kill Saul—the job could be done before he even screamed. Saul is figuratively, if not literally, caught with his pants down. One quick thrust with a sword could end the conflict and David would never need to worry again.

But David does something unexpected. Even though his companions urge him to kill the king and be done with it, he refuses. He asks, ‘How could I do such a thing, to attack the Lord’s anointed?’ Instead, he cuts a piece off the edge of Saul’s clothing, and even that gives him a guilty conscience. It’s a shrewd move, though. Now he has physical proof that even though Saul was at his mercy, David’s intentions towards him are not violent.

This crappy bible story reinforces the fact that while Saul has a grudge against David, David is completely innocent in his dealings with Saul. The Book of Samuel is setting up David as the greatest king Israel had ever known; it would hardly do to portray him as a scheming usurper planning to violently steal the crown!

David reiterates that his intentions are completely honourable. But at the same time, he also has an opportunity to demonstrate the high esteem that should be shown to the king as ‘the Lord’s anointed.’ Saul might be unstable and a very bad king, but David cannot overlook the fact that he is anointed by the Lord. Don’t forget that Samuel had also anointed David as king. Killing another anointed king would set a very bad precedent for his own future subjects!

So here we see David and Saul in a bit of a dilemma. Saul sees David as the biggest threat to his reign, and David cannot be king as long as Saul is alive. But although in his weaker moments, Saul would not hesitate to kill David, David cannot bring himself to treat Saul so harshly. In a rare moment of clarity, Saul praises David for his mercy and restraint. This encounter marks a temporary reconciliation between the two, with Saul publicly confessing his wrongdoing.

The story of Saul's vulnerability in the cave reminds us that everybody poops. Even the mightiest and most powerful can find themselves in the most vulnerable of positions. But how would we behave when others are at their most exposed? Would we take the advice of David's companions, or follow the example of David's own compassion and respect? Can we treat others with empathy and mercy? Can we recognize their own frail humanity?

This is the key to being able to rise above the temptation of vengeance and to embrace forgiveness and reconciliation. Treating others with respect and empathy doesn't mean compromising your own values or boundaries. It's about choosing a higher path, seeking understanding, and creating space for growth and healing. By doing so, we contribute to a more compassionate and empathetic world, even in the face of adversity.