When You're Not Okay
In February, I had a mental health crisis: what we used to call a ‘mental breakdown’. As far as crises go, mine was pretty minor, but it was still enough to keep me off work for nearly three months. Months later, it sometimes doesn’t take much to put me back into a spiral of anxiety or depression. I sometimes tell people that it’s like I broke a leg. The cast may be off, but I still have rehab to work through if I don’t want to reinjure myself. It’s an ongoing process, but it’s one that a lot of people around us are struggling through, and one that we need to talk about.
I was in my office at the church, getting ready for our annual meeting, and I could tell that something wasn’t right. I was far more on edge than I should have been feeling from the simple tasks ahead of me. I finished up what I could do, and drove myself home. Not wanting to worry my daughter, I said I had a headache and was going to lie down. From about 12:30 to 2:30, I have no real memory. I didn’t go to sleep or pass out. I just remember Emily coming in to check on me, and being amazed that nearly two hours had passed.
‘Are you all right?’ she asked, and I could only say, ‘I’m really not.’...
This post originally appeared in the September 2022 issue of Anglican Life.
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